Raising Teenagers: When This Season Passes, Will It Matter?

The SHERO of the week is Ashley! She is a wife, a mom, and a nurse on the front lines. We dig into what it's like raising teenagers. Ashley gets candid and shares her struggles, triumphs, and best advice as a seasoned mom. As we know, raising children is not a cake walk and teenagers will test your patience. Listen in as she empowers you to raise your children, YOUR WAY!

Momma, You're my SHEro!

Sending you all the love and grace!
Jennifer
aka Ms. Kempnitreal
xoxoxo

WATCH THE PODCAST EPISODE HERE
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FOLLOW MRS. KEMPNITREAL

Transcript

• Welcome back to the sores podcast, where she-Ros meet today. We are interviewing one of my favorite people, one of my mentors, one of my people that I've always looked up to since birth. Okay, so this is like my sister that I've always wanted.
• this is my cousin, Ashley Crawford. I've known her for as long as I've been alive. So this is going to be a fun interview. I'm really excited for Ashley to come on and share all of her wealth. She is a mom. She is a wife, and she is also a nurse on the front lines. Ashley. Thank you so much for taking the time out
• to be here with us. You are so welcome. I need to do these interviews every day is like a pep talk, you know, like that was great. I feel so pumped up, you know. I'm like what projects can I go? Finish? Now
• The Crawfords
• 02:22
• listen. They can all wait. They could all wait so for context. Tell everybody how many kids you have and tell their ages. So people know where you're coming from.
• I have 2 children. I have 2 teenagers who I have a 16 year old son and a 14 year old. Daughter. Love it so, boy and girl.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 02:46
• boy, and the girl and teenagers. How? How so? For my listeners, You guys all know I have a three-year-old and a one-year-old.
• How is it with teenagers and your teenagers are close together? So basically i'm going to be you in like 13 years it will be. Yes. How is it having 2 teenagers in your house like?
• How has that been for you?
• The Crawfords
• 03:11
• It's been great, you know you're in this season. I feel like your kids show you more of who you are, I think, for every stage
• they show you who you are. You know, if you pay attention. But as teenagers, you know, they're really still trying to like figure out themselves, you know they feel like they've got a little bit of knowledge, a little bit of wisdom.
• but you have more right. So
• it's been good, you know. Just kind of seeing them like morph into the themselves and adults, you know. So what's been good? But you just, you know, when your kids are small you can kind of get away with saying stuff and doing things, you know.
• you know.
• like if your kids caught caught you and your husband and act, you know, like one you could just be like. Oh, you know, mommy just needed to hook because she was sad, you know you got to sit down and like have discussions because they have questions, you know, right like. What was that
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 04:20
• right? Just a different stage. I'm enjoying it, you know, like once you kind of
• The Crawfords
• 04:25
• get into the flow of things. It's really great.
• just once, you know. They're a little bit more mature. You guys are not sure out of conversations.
• Just experiences
• good, you know
• now now, but I will say like I did have you know, a season
• that was tough.
• but I think that we've all gone through that teenage stage where we just kind of feel like we know more than our parents. Right? Definitely.
• Yeah. navigating. That was was tough. But you know we are a lot better now. So. But if you have teenagers, you know, like just
• don't put them on the street yet, you know it gets better, You know. I feel like everybody says that like, no matter what stage of parenting you are in, I've always heard someone say it gets better. No one says it gets easier.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 05:26
• I've I've I've learned that along the way they're not like it. It gets easier. They're like it gets better. And i'm like, okay.
• Somehow, i'm going to hold on to. It gets better somehow
• The Crawfords
• 05:36
• easier.
• I wouldn't say easier, because I feel like.
• you know, you get through one stage and you're like, okay, like.
• I may be a great mom and a great.
• and you're like, oh, well, I can't do what I used to do in this stage. You know it's like you have to figure that out, and then it's like another stage, you know. Exactly. So. Yeah, I I agree. I don't think it gets easier. I think you just
• If we could let go of control I feel like
• it would be easier. But I think it's the control. You know you've got it together, you know, like I know what i'm doing, You know i'm smart enough, you know I got it.
• But then, when your plan doesn't work and you're out of control. Then it's like, okay. Now, what do you do? Exactly, You know? So yeah, and kids will always make you feel like you're out of control, because, especially as they're coming into themselves, you can't control these little humans as much as
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 06:41
• you used to be able to, or as much as you want to, especially when they're teenagers.
• because they have their own minds and their own opinions now. And yes, and social media is the devil do you let your kids use social media?
• The Crawfords
• 06:57
• We do. Okay, it was a
• It was a tough decision, because, you know.
• you kind of know the monster of social media right like how it can be bad, but as adults
• well, most of us, we can manage that pretty well once a while you get sued in. But for them.
• you know you're still trying to figure out
• if they can decipher, you know, good and bad, and
• going down like a bad path, you know, getting caught up, I guess, for like a. And so you really don't know that.
• So it would be easier to just say no, no social media, you know, like here's your flip phone.
• you know Disney Channel like. Let's go right sure. But we decided to come alongside
• and to be involved right?
• So that when you know a tough situation came up we could talk about it. What we did not want is for it to just be something that they had to sneak and do right.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 07:58
• You know, I was just gonna say that.
• The Crawfords
• 08:01
• Yeah, so
• it I think it's a tough one. It's a tough call, because you really want to just protect them from everything, and
• you know. But you really can't, and
• it just be like no social media, you know, I think, is
• sorry. I don't know how to make that go away
• today on social media, I think, is
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 08:24
• I just don't think that's the right way to go. Yeah, no. I think every family is different. But I think that's great, because that shows that you have open lines of communication like, I'm going to let you have this social media. And then, if something does come up, I just prefer that you come and talk to me about it, and I think that's a great way to handle that.
• The Crawfords
• 08:41
• Yeah. And we did have stages, you know, like your first day, like having your phone. You have some access, you know. It's like you have to be up the phone by 8 o'clock, and then, as you're a little older, okay, like 10 o'clock, or
• you know, and it really just depends on the child. You really can't treat both the the same right
• different. yeah, You know a social media punishment for one is going to be different than a social media punishment for the other, you know. Correct. I know social media, great like. I'm about to live my best life, you know the other one like it's like growing up. My parents would take the phone away from me, and that would be like the end of the world if they took the phone away from my brother. It'd be like so what i'm not mad about it right about to live this good old life.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 09:28
• Yeah, exactly. Yeah, would you say the biggest challenge for raising teenagers is that they think they know more than you or what would you say? The biggest challenges.
• what has been the biggest challenge, the well, the what has been the biggest challenges for you, sure as many as you can think, I would say.
• The Crawfords
• 09:52
• the
• the biggest challenges
• being true to who you are.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 09:58
• and that's also cliche. But you have to be comfortable and know, like who you are right.
• The Crawfords
• 10:03
• and that what this teenager is saying to you that makes you want to like.
• commit a crime.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 10:09
• Yeah.
• The Crawfords
• 10:13
• always the words that's coming out of their mouth. But how that affects you
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 10:16
• right.
• The Crawfords
• 10:17
• and how that makes you rise up, and what emotions does that make?
• You have? You know you could say something and not mean it. But if I rise up, and i'm trying to be defensive, and you know, trying to.
• you know, put all my muscles out there like I know everything, you know. You just cause more
• of a separation. So the hardest part is just knowing like who you are, and being confident in yourself right? And then like really being able to figure out like, okay.
• I know she didn't mean to have this attitude with me.
• I guess. Have this count in it.
• That's a nice word. Huh? Yeah, it is very nice where you did. Well on the sat. Didn't: yeah, thank you, I guess. But really trying to figure out like, okay, is it hormones? You know what's going on at school? What's going on with boys, what's going on with soccer? You know
• we're driving, you know, just you know, like the pressures of the world. So I think once
• I really learned that, and I tried to let go of the control I think
• made it.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 11:29
• I think that's great. I think that's great a lot for moms, you know, just to kind of recap is letting go of the control, and really being comfortable in who you are and knowing who you are.
• and sometimes, you know not always making it about you like you said like sometimes they're dealing with the pressures of the world. Or maybe they just study really hard for this test, and they bombed it, whatever it may be, not making it about you, and trying to figure out what's going on with them. I think that's that's really solid advice.
• The Crawfords
• 11:59
• right? And you know the stuff that they go through. They're not always going to tell you everything right, you know it could be so they could have done a post on Snapchat, and somebody could have talked about their forehead.
• you know, at school, and somebody else mentioned something about their forehead.
• and then by the time they get home and you say something like, what's that on your face? And then they get you. You're like.
• Wait a minute like I just feel like you got tune on your face. So I was just. You know it's just trying to tell you the is trying to help you with the tune on your face.
• There was a build up before that, and then we get to you, and they say that. And then you want to book up, and you want to be defensive like well, who you think you're talking to, right, sure. And then, instead of them being open to talk to you about things, you know. Then they
• they shut down so it's tough, though, like I haven't figured it out. You know we have good. We're in a great season now. So i'm glad i'm doing this interview today. Hallelujah!
• That is great, and I think that's also really important to just really take
• your
• you know
• your concerns.
• the the heartaches to him.
• Still, yeah.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 13:17
• like, lean into that relationship
• and allow him to really help you see you.
• it really helps You see your kids better.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 14:37
• So that's what i'm learning. It's like you really becoming a parent. I didn't know you were going to learn so much more about yourself like I knew it Wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't think like Well, dang i'm just going to really be looking in the mirror every day and thinking about myself on a philosophical level
• I've never thought about like I just thought, hey, I just be able to raise these humans raise kind humans put good into the world was my whole philosophy. But behind having the kids. But then it was like, dang every day. I'm like.
• Why did that bother you so much as a person like what? What really dig into? Why did that bother you so much? Why did a three-year-old giving you an attitude? Bother you so much, and really having to like, Peel back those layers. It's like, wow.
• The Crawfords
• 15:23
• like you as a child, and like right, their childhood hurt, and your childhood that you never had to deal with before. It's in that you didn't that you may not have seen as childhood trauma.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 15:38
• you know, like
• The Crawfords
• 15:41
• you know, like oh, you know, like oh, she, you know my mom didn't mean that, or like Did my dad really do that? It's like happened, and it did. And you know, like now, dealing with your own children, it's like, oh, okay, like this is why this bothers me right? Yeah, really, yeah.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 15:58
• And admitting when things bother you, not just like letting it go, but I think it makes you a better parent when you can kind of like, say it out loud, put a name on it, and say, oh, this is why this bothers me instead of just like brushing it under the rug, because it's gonna come back, whether you brush it under the rug or not. So right?
• The Crawfords
• 16:14
• Yeah, I think that's huge. You know, Teacher. It's important to teach you kids that, too.
• But you know for them to know they are, because there are some things out there trying to tell them who they are, what they should look like.
• yes.
• But if I could just, you know, like I
• I would just love for them to just be comfortable in their own skin, and to just
• walk out their own journey in their own path.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 16:46
• That's what we want for our kids for sure.
• Hey, man! So what is the best advice you would give
• to a bomb like what's some piece of advice that you were given that you use on your day to day journey, or something that maybe you just created on your own, and that's like your little mantra. What's some advice you would give to a mom listening right now.
• The Crawfords
• 17:12
• so for years, and I can still say
• with certainty, and a lot of people have heard me say this, but I still say it. Today is my child, my choice.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 17:21
• Hmm. Yes.
• The Crawfords
• 17:26
• which I think has been very helpful. Because once you, you know, like as a parent. If you own this decision.
• then you own the consequences. Right? Right? Yeah.
• And
• And so
• you just have to be careful listening to other people. and other people's agenda. I feel like most people I feel like most people in the world are good people. I feel like their hearts are in the right place.
• but sometimes their agendas are off right, you know, for sure.
• So you have to check that, you know.
• But if it's your child, it's your choice at the end of the day right?
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 18:06
• So things. And this is like on a small scale. But
• The Crawfords
• 18:10
• I, when my kids were smaller, like I chose to spoil them. I chose to hold them all the time I chose to.
• you know, like just be that mom and everybody was like I'm gonna spoil them. You're gonna spoil them. I'm like
• That's fine like I'll do with those consequences, you know, and like I and I did.
• But
• in that season like it just
• it just didn't make sense to me to like, let my child cry, you know. Let my child go hungry, or you know that is not who I am. So i'm about to parent the way I want a parent. So I love that. I love that so much because I just feel like
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 18:45
• it is your choice, and you can't let social media tell you what you're supposed to be doing. Okay, Even your family members, even your best friends like you can't let other people tell you how you want a parent.
• and I do think it comes from within us, too, like, you know, there's certain things within us that we know like we know our own limits, you know, and we all have strengths when it comes to Mom. So I love that I definitely hold my kids all the time, too like because I do know that they're only going to be little
• for this short amount of time. And then i'm going to blink.
• and they are going to be off at elementary school and blink again, and they're going to be in high school. So I do think. You know, my child, my choice is a huge
• as a great way to live by and as a mom. Yeah. And we don't, you know, when I,
• The Crawfords
• 19:32
• when we say that we don't have all the answers right right? Oh, no, we have, like, you know, a mother's instinct a little bit of experience, you know. We got the Holy Spirit so that.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 19:45
• But you know, if we fall, then we're just confident that the grace of the Lord will cover us all.
• Basically, that's how we're going. That's how we're doing it.
• How do you pour into yourself because you you spoke a lot about like knowing who you are? So how are you constantly
• pouring into you and building Ashley up.
• not just as that mom role, but as an individual, so that you can
• pour into your children like. What are you doing to fill yourself up.
• The Crawfords
• 20:24
• What am I doing to fill myself up?
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 20:28
• Did you say eating?
• The Crawfords
• 20:33
• I love that? Are you? Are you a foot?
• I love that, though
• what am I doing to feed myself?
• So I would say, therapy is a good one. Definitely. I love that one, and then, like using those tools is huge. Yeah. And then just
• trying to stop it rushing all the time.
• because I find that we've rushed to try to get to the next stage and the next thing, and to just check this off and check this off. But
• if I could just slow down
• if I could be
• that when something is off I can kind of check it
• instead of just, you know, like
• keep moving, brushing it under the rub. You know that that gets now where, if anything that sets us back. So I would say that
• And then just asking myself why I do stuff.
• you know right?
• You don't realize why you do stuff one of the things
• my husband and I used to. We did. We argue? Maybe we argued.
• he, i'm a morning person. He's not right. So for the long time it would bother me that he didn't want to get up, because i'm like.
• you know, like you're wasting the day away, and like you're just lazy, you know, like all of these things, that this is not nice, you know, but because
• of the things I saw like being raised, and the things I heard, you know, like my parents say it was like I was pushing that on him, you know.
• So that's an example like you, just just asking yourself like, Well, why is this bothered me.
• you know, and it's
• It's not like he's per purposefully trying to hurt me. You know it just
• kind of put you into the mindset of okay, like.
• What do I like? Do I like to wake up early? I do.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 22:38
• you know, right like walks by myself, I do.
• The Crawfords
• 22:42
• But for me one of the biggest things you know me getting my time is just sitting in the car.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 22:47
• Hmm. Reading in the car.
• The Crawfords
• 22:50
• you know, and I have a prayer closet.
• But I I think that I there's just
• always the possibility that somebody can walk in on you right
• right.
• but your car in the garage like nobody can really. You see them coming? You see them coming. That's the different. Let me wipe these tears, you know. Let me clean up these everything I threw around my car, you know. I'm just like. Let me hide those fries that I don't want to share with anybody under the sea real quick.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 23:20
• i'm not gonna say I don't do that. But if I eat some fries and I wanted to eat fries in peace without all the hands going into my bag. Yeah, I definitely eat it in my car before I walk into that okay, because you at that moment probably need all 47 fries. Exactly. You have 46 your day with
• it's really and if you're at chick-fil-a, you're only getting 10 fries. But hey, how did you know who's counting? I'm just saying it feels like 10 fries like that's all we're getting
• okay. But I love that I love that so therapy is one way that you're filling yourself up, which I think is great. I'm an advocate for therapy. If you follow me on social media. I'm always telling people to go to therapy, for even if you feel like you're perfectly fine, there's nothing wrong with going to therapy sitting in your car. That is a great tool. That is a great thing a resource to do, just having that time to even collect yourself before you
• go in and engage with your family, because sometimes we might have had crazy times at work, or whatever it may be, it's just that time to decompress. Get your thoughts together, and then go into the house. So I I really do love that. And then number 3 is just really asking yourself digging deep. Why or why do certain things bother me?
• Yeah. Why is this about my spouse, or about my kids, or about my friends? What is it about me
• and my upbringing. Maybe that's bothering me so much about them. And I think that's huge, because I think when you can kind of figure out the root of that life becomes a lot easier when you can figure out why certain things bother you and your triggers, you know, and therapy a lot of times we use the word trigger. If you can figure out your triggers.
• you life, yeah, life really becomes different. And you look at things a lot differently.
• True story. So I love that. What is your favorite part about brotherhood? What is your? It can be more than one. But what's your favorite favorite thing about being a mom.
• The Crawfords
• 25:35
• I I would have to say, just seeing them grow into themselves.
• yeah.
• you know not who I wanted them to be or not
• the way I may have wanted them to.
• I guess, turn out, but just
• you know them, being confident in their own skin and and just, you know. And
• I guess just from birth and to, you know, to a teenager and just navigating life, and then
• throwing away all the garbage and just keeping those things that are just precious about them.
• you know. And then just
• being confident in themselves, I think it's just huge. I love that
• experience it. You know it's first time experiences for them.
• That's always fun
• so.
• or when they hear a song from like your era, and they're like oh, that's a nice sound or no. Wait no back up. They hear a song from like when you were growing up. And so you the song comes on the radio, and it's like, oh.
• you, my girl.
• don't you do her like that.
• There's a lot of great things about being a mother. You don't have all the answers, but just
• having like a front row seat to just
• you know the legacy that you have a part of creating is
• huge.
• It's really really big and down
• even their friends. It's.
• you know how they choose their friends. And oh.
• and that relationship is not gonna work out. So let me go over here and try this and just you know them experiencing the world and trying to figure things out, and just kind of being.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 27:30
• you know, on the front lines of that is pretty cool. Yeah, how is that been navigating their friendships? Because I remember growing up it. It was always be like my mom would be like.
• Okay, you choose to be her friend. But i'm gonna tell you right now.
• I don't think that's a good choice, and and
• she would let me be friends with them. It was never like You can't be friends with them, and now I appreciate that so much more.
• but I I do remember in her own way she'd be like, but that's not gonna work out, and I used to get so mad when she would say that. But funny enough a lot of times when she did pinpoint those friendships that weren't going to work out. She was right.
• So how do you navigate these friendships with your teenagers, because I know it's so like now that i'm a mom. I I know i'm gonna to be like. No like. They're awful or it's not that's terrible. You're making a terrible choice.
• but I know that we have to kind of let them make the choice. So how has that been for you.
• The Crawfords
• 28:40
• i'm really careful not to say
• don't be here for
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 28:46
• right? But I asked a lot of questions.
• The Crawfords
• 28:53
• and I and I let them fail.
• Unknown Speaker
• 28:56
• Yeah.
• The Crawfords
• 28:57
• So what what I try to do is I I touch them with advice back off like, okay.
• because I have to believe that even though I want to take control of this situation right
• like I still have to let them
• figure it out.
• Of course, if it's, you know, if they're safe, it's, you know it has nothing to do with like drugs, or like
• you know, things like that, because then
• i'm different.
• So I would say that number one, and then number 2.
• Invite them to the house.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 29:29
• Yeah.
• The Crawfords
• 29:31
• So you tell your kids like, Invite them over.
• I didn't do that. Don't you worry about it? Is it?
• It's a Halloween.
• Yeah, I want to go some in the pool.
• So who do I?
• And then you help them invite the people right
• her her her yup! And then you keep an eye on them. Talk to them.
• you know.
• And there
• I can remember there was one friend, just trouble, child.
• bad situation, and she was just
• not nice, you know, and mistreated our. We used her like would take her money and not pay her back.
• you know, to the point like when she came with my house like I wanted to be like
• you better cash at me. My daughter's money, but talking to her.
• and my home was helpful.
• and it made her uncomfortable. Oh, absolutely she! It's not like I was trying to make her uncomfortable, but it was just her being able to see like how you really can be a good friend, and how you really do need to treat people well, you know, and how she came back. We shouted her with food. And
• you know games, activities, love hugs laughs, you know. Conversation.
• So I would say, that is huge. Just
• don't just say, don't be their friends, but maybe try to get in a space where you can
• have the friend over. See them at a basketball game, right.
• you know, like
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 31:15
• I like that.
• I would say that was really helpful, because then it allowed her to see to like her friends true colors, you know. Yeah. And Pete and those friends that usually are like no good, will find every excuse in the book to not come Meet your parents. Oh, your parents are going to be home. I don't want to do that.
• I don't want to come over to your house when your parents are there. I got to meet.
• You know the ones that are up to no good always find excuses not to come to the house, or the ones that try to come over, because they think i'm the cool mom to come over here
• The Crawfords
• 31:50
• and then meet up at the park
• so they could meet a boy.
• Oh, No, you're not not at my house. We're already meeting boys, because I drove up to the park like this.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 32:05
• You did what
• that way her friend
• like. Put her up to come into your house, and then for her to go meet the boy in the park like basically. Using your child. Oh, so then you. We have a conversation.
• The Crawfords
• 32:25
• so you pulled up, and you were like, what do you guys doing? Oh, no, no, no, no! How'd that work? I pulled up
• and just watch them.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 32:34
• Oh, so they didn't know you. They didn't know you were there.
• The Crawfords
• 32:38
• We got back to the house, and I watched them by their.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 32:43
• What are you?
• The Crawfords
• 32:44
• Oh, who was there?
• Oh, really!
• Oh, that's interesting! Because I saw 2 boys up there, You' on the bench.
• I said so. Now I can't trust you.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 32:57
• Hmm.
• The Crawfords
• 32:59
• And so for me I felt like that hurt worse.
• Then
• me trying to be like a
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 33:09
• Oh, my God! Only after that it was just like, you know. There's no look at me in the eye. It's like.
• The Crawfords
• 33:15
• you know. They want to look down and not look at you.
• And there was another one that
• She was kind of iffy.
• but invited her at the house, you know. I'm i'm gonna love you. You know all that she ended up, you know.
• taking my my daughter's crush, or whatever which she knew what she was doing.
• Prep to my daughter like this is the type of person that will probably do a, B and C. Of course you can believe me. Oh, that's fine, you know. I'm still be. That makes me so nice, you know. Nice motherly figure to her, or whatever yeah and like, once she did that like she couldn't look me. I either never came back over.
• so
• I don't know. I think, just
• being involved. It's easy to just be like oh.
• you and your friends, i'll do with that over there Number just come over here
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 34:09
• right? I think there's something to be said about
• The Crawfords
• 34:13
• just being involved in those relationships. And of course there's i'm not going to tell you everything.
• but just knowing that you're there, and that if they did want to have a conversation that
• we can do that.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 34:25
• So was there a punishment for
• not going to the Park because they were allowed to go to the Park. But was there a punishment for lying about who was at the Park.
• The Crawfords
• 34:37
• I I did not say a punishment.
• She, you know, like
• she she was got.
• you know. Yeah. And so at that point I didn't feel like I needed to just keep.
• I guess, beating a dead horse, you know.
• Unknown Speaker
• 34:56
• Right.
• The Crawfords
• 34:57
• you know. So
• Unknown Speaker
• 34:59
• yeah.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 35:00
• I like that. I like that because I feel like a lot of parents would have been like
• no phone or no social media or no
• whatever. But when you know your child, and I think this is the the biggest nugget to take away from that is, when you know your child, and you probably know the hurt that she felt that she was got was enough. There's no need to continue
• with a punishment, because that was punishment enough. And I think that's huge, and I think that's when parenting really plays a huge role.
• and and that changes. How your kids look at you, too, you know, because they're like. In that moment you could have just took everything away, grounded her for however long. But you know, like internally
• hurting you
• was punishment enough, and that trust was was broken.
• But also knowing knowing your kids, because for some kids that's not enough. Okay for some kids. It's like, okay, I don't hurt Mom's feelings and Broken Trust a 1 million times.
• Okay, we need to have another punishment, because maybe in that moment, with that certain kid that that hurt right there wasn't enough. So I think you know.
• going back to what we were talking about is full circle is knowing your your children
• really being involved, to know your child, and to know how to parent them, and and when to punish, and when when just a conversation is enough.
• The Crawfords
• 36:28
• and knowing yourself too. Right? Yeah, of course.
• I think a lot of pride could have been
• overbearing in that situation like, Well, how dare you lie to me? And you know you gonna try to get over on me and did it?
• I mean you could go there.
• But then, like. But then, like the focus switches from what I feel like is really important as the fact that you
• broke my trust. And
• so now you better not ask anybody to come to the house. Don't ask me to go to basketball game.
• you know, like
• so, and then to your point. Yes, there are other punishments that
• I've had a child who had their door taken off.
• so
• it just depends on the situation. It depends on the situation. It depends on the child.
• We've got a house phone.
• because at at 1 point, you know.
• there was a child talking on the phone
• late.
• So you know, back in the day, you know.
• with the house phone, your mom can't pick up the phone, be like what you are doing, or well pick up the phone and just listen. And I, we went back old school. Yeah, or just if the phone rings, you know how that the phone ring. They try to hurt and pick up the
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 37:55
• but instead, i'm saying, Hello, you say Hello!
• Half the time you don't know if you're doing the right thing. You don't know. If you're creating stones you don't know if it's for the cars trauma 30 years down the road you
• The Crawfords
• 38:19
• you gotta give yourself, Grace. And
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 38:22
• because we're we're in the generation now okay of conscious parenting. And we're really trying to parent our kids so that we do not create childhood trauma, and we're trying to break generational curses. But we just never know what
• someone's trauma is gonna be. You know it might not have been a trauma for us, but for our kids.
• Who knows? It might be a trauma. But I like what you said, and I say, this, too, is, give yourself Grace, you know
• that's all you can do.
• The Crawfords
• 38:57
• you know, have a good
• team of other moms that are encouraging, and yes.
• it's really big. You know those that aren't being into comparisons and comparing. But just knowing like we're all in this together, and you know I don't know what i'm doing. What you do like, how do you do this? How you put that with You know. How do you punish your show?
• I thought, but I think that's true. That's real like, because there is no handbook, you know. I I've said that on like every episode, I think so far it's like there is no handbook, so we're all just figuring it out.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 39:35
• Yeah, we're all figuring it out. Okay, I have one more question. And I love this question just because everybody does it differently.
• How how do you manage your household? So i'm talking
• from like grocery shopping to dinner to cleaning to everything that comes to household? And then also, you know you're you're a nurse. So you're working, too. So how how do you manage all of that?
• The Crawfords
• 40:07
• So we talked about control before I was stay at home, Mom.
• I had more time, and i'm not
• trying to say anybody's worse or better for being a stay at home, mom or working mom, but me in that season staying at home. I have more time to have more control, right like the meals and groceries and laundry, you know, like I had a really good system. but then, once I started working, it was a lot
• more difficult to manage that stuff.
• Yes, and so like.
• you know, I felt like I was losing control.
• But I had to just realize what's important in the moment. Right?
• You know. Some moments it's just not important that
• you wash all the dishes, you know, like sometimes you just have to get in the floor and play with your kids. So walk with your son, or.
• you know. Listen to your Da. Listen to the t of the day, you know, with your daughter, you know.
• but I think
• there's just so many so much pressure for
• the moms to do all the things we just miss out on like the present things, and why
• God put us here right.
• No, I just don't believe.
• from sun up to sundown. We're just supposed to be doing, doing, doing.
• and we're not. We're supposed to be seeing seeing our children, seeing that right, right? Right? The distractions of the things in the checklist checklist is just
• so distracting. So
• I think that would probably be
• Unknown Speaker
• 41:52
• the answer.
• Unknown Speaker
• 41:52
• Yeah.
• The Crawfords
• 41:53
• but you. Okay, so groceries do you have like a organizational thing like.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 41:58
• you know, some moms are really organized like I go grocery shopping on Monday and I
• clean on Wednesday, and I do laundry on Thursday. Are you like that? Are you just like.
• The Crawfords
• 42:10
• hey? If I feel like doing laundry today, i'm going to do laundry. So I used to be that way where I did everything on a certain day, and I was just felt like I was on top of the world like I just had my life together, honey. So right these are the moms out here right like the season changed, you know, Like the kids.
• we're more involved, and they got busy working, you know. and so I just had to. I had to sit down with my husband and just basically
• talk, talk it through with him.
• Do you expect like a warm meal every day right now? It's like, do you expect for
• your house to be speaking span every day, because I feel like for a season. I was killing myself because I wanted to be
• that for him. Not that he ever said that right, but from the
• the pressures of the world. And then the way I was raised, and maybe one parent
• have a preference for the way things are, and so bringing that to my relationship and thinking like, oh, well, this is how one of my parents wanted things done, or even doing it like just unconsciously, subconsciously, not
• realizing it.
• So I think it's important to really kind of check in with your spouse, too, about expectations.
• Right?
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 43:33
• Complete those things that other people, Aren't, even expecting out of you. I love that. I love that because I feel like as moms, we put so much pressure on ourselves. And it's basically what society told us like right? So 50 years ago.
• women weren't really working women were in the house, and they were taking care of the house, but they weren't working outside the home. So they were able to do that.
• Unknown Speaker
• 43:58
• Now we put all this pressure on ourselves to do what they were doing, but also work.
• The Crawfords
• 44:03
• Yeah, like, how in what world does that make sense? It doesn't make sense? But we put that pressure on ourselves, and we drive ourselves crazy, and I think that it's great to
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 44:13
• ask those questions of your spouse. And then going back to what you said, and that's like the theme of this episode is really asking yourself like, Pull it into yourself like, Why am I trying to do all of this?
• Yeah. Why, why am I? Why? Because I didn't have to complain like maybe
• The Crawfords
• 44:30
• the complaints I heard growing up.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 44:33
• Hmm, see, and that's that might be a complaint of your spouse right? And i'll i'll go a little bit further with the whole
• The Crawfords
• 44:42
• cooking and cleaning thing. because that expectation was not from my spouse right
• But once we talked about it. His response was, oh, you don't have to cook every day, you know.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 44:58
• Right?
• The Crawfords
• 44:59
• Oh, so we can do peanut butter and jelly, and like
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 45:02
• or hot dials and chips, and you'd be fine.
• The Crawfords
• 45:06
• So it doesn't have to be like a home cooked meal. It doesn't have to be like a healthy meal every day, you know. Right?
• So yeah, I it's man, You just
• I think no one yourself is just huge. I think that's going to be the theme of this episode.
• Why, you do what you do.
• Why, you expect certain things out of other people.
• Yeah, I think it's just
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 45:34
• knowing yourself.
• The Crawfords
• 45:36
• Yeah.
• And what you really are. So we still don't know ourselves, you know, like a little closer. We're constantly learning every day definitely learning. And we're changing and just like our kids are growing. We're growing, you know, exactly. We're aging as They're aging.
• No. And then just letting go of those things of the past that we don't even realize that we were holding on to
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 45:58
• that part.
• That part I love that like. I just feel like
• every time I talk to a mom, I just. I get so much new insight, and it also motivates me because i'm like okay things that i'm struggling with somebody else is struggling with. And now I know that i'm not the only one. And and now I know some things like i'm putting so much pressure on myself for certain things i'm like. Why am I doing that.
• you know, Like as long as your family is taken care of.
• your kids are taken care of your
• you're doing the best that you can. You're giving yourself Grace. That's all that really matters in this world.
• because in 10 years your kids aren't going to be like. Oh, mom, the house wasn't clean all the time like
• That's not something i'm ever going back to say to my parents like. Well, I remember when the house was messy. I don't even remember
• The Crawfords
• 46:46
• that's the crazy thing for me. I don't
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 46:49
• I don't remember. I remember people cleaning.
• but I don't remember like. I don't remember how clean it was, or how messy it was like
• not something i'm taking with me.
• The Crawfords
• 47:01
• and then the other thing. So that was the example about the whole cooking thing. But the other thing I used to think that my husband just wanted a clean house all the time.
• you know speaking span.
• But after talking with him it was he was like, oh, no, I don't.
• I just need a space.
• Oh, you just need a space.
• Okay. So I just got this in the living room every day, and you'll be fine.
• Clean the living room give you some, you know, hot dog and chips. You'd be fine.
• He was fine now. Not every day. Is he gonna be okay with these hot dogs and chips, you know
• Sometimes that's okay. She's not saying that hot dogs and chips every day for dinner. Moms that's not what she but as long as he's got, you know, a plan for the meal and a little corner of the house that is clean where he can relax.
• That is his expectation, not the one I was putting on myself
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 47:55
• Right?
• Hmm, that's good.
• that's it. And that's all from you. Think your upbringing that you thought like. Oh, the house has to be speaking span.
• The Crawfords
• 48:06
• I think it it was some of it was that. And then also, just you know, once you do become a mom and a wife, you know.
• and what society tells you about how you're supposed to be in the household. Right? Somebody comes in your house, and it's dirty. It's a reflection of the mom out of the husband which drives me crazy. Because why? Like Why is that a reflection on us, and not them like they very much live here every day, too.
• It's Why, Why, I just don't understand these. It's just been carried down. And so it's one of those things where we just have to
• ask ourselves like, Why
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 48:44
• Why am I doing this again? And we have to continue to speak out against it? Because if someone walks into your house and it's messy.
• it should be a reflection on everybody living there, not just the moms. And I think the more we talk about it, and we speak on it, and we correct people. When they say hurtful and hateful things like that.
• the more things will change because until we speak about it, people are going to keep saying that, and I don't think it's fair to moms, you know a lot, and a lot of moms of us out here now are working moms, whether we work at home.
• whether we work outside of the home and heck. I'll go a step further, whether we're staying home, moms that still work.
• So we're all working. We just all working in different capacity. And when you have young ones and you're trying to keep your house clean and trying to cook and and and maintain everything else. Hey? It's not. It's not all gonna be perfect, and we gotta stop putting so much pressure on ourselves.
• Yeah, I really do think we do have only the expectations of those people that are in the house. That really matter right.
• The Crawfords
• 49:45
• you know. And
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 49:47
• yeah, i'm sure both of my teenagers would love for us to not have a clean house, you know, because then they'd have no responsibility to keep anything clean right?
• The Crawfords
• 49:55
• But you can't.
• You can't do that.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 50:02
• and and you know, and that's teaching them, too. As they get older they have to clean and blah blah blah you! You're putting those those things in their head, so that they know how to keep a clean space when they go out into the world, or they become a roommate
• or a spouse, hey? At least they know how to clean. You know both. And you're not only teaching your daughter how to clean You're teaching your daughter and your son how to clean, and I think that needs to continue to be passed down
• from all households. So it's not always so much pressure on the women that are supposed to clean the house, because men very much should be cleaning, too.
• The Crawfords
• 50:33
• And, like I said, it's
• it's the expectation of the household, You know. Some him really love to clean and like to clean and don't like their wives clean, you know.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 50:43
• Oh, yeah, I've heard that I've heard that
• The Crawfords
• 50:46
• you know the expectation of the household, you know. Silence, all of the other.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 50:52
• The other voices silence, the noise, silence, the outside noise. If they're coming from the outside of your house like you said it really doesn't matter. Silence the noise of social media, too, because social media will be in your head putting some crazy thoughts. So watch what you're watching.
• I think that's huge. Moms a lot, you know. Make sure you're following. Moms that align with your values because some of those moms out, there might be preaching something that is really making you kill yourself when you don't necessarily need to be doing that.
• The Crawfords
• 51:18
• Yeah, and I
• I got into a practice of asking myself like when this season passes.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 51:26
• Hmm.
• The Crawfords
• 51:27
• Well, what i'm stressed about.
• and what thing I want to check off my list? Will it matter?
• Will it matter?
• I like that
• that I clean the base boards today, right
• or that I like that that I folded every stitch of laundry today.
• I like that. Well, it matter more that I really
• sat down and had a conversation with my teenager right?
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 51:55
• What what will matter
• after the season is over. I like that
• The Crawfords
• 52:00
• matter.
• SOR-EHS PODCAST: Where SHEroes Meet
• 52:01
• I think that's a great way to end. What will matter
• the season, whatever season of motherhood you're in right now.
• what will matter at the end of the day? What will really matter in 5 to 10 years?
• Will this laundry, that's not folded matter? Or will that conversation with your teenager matter.